Goalies in Wonderland

I was never one for goal setting.  I remember in school teachers talking about going home and committing X number of hours to homework a night.  I think goal setting was supposed to be really fulfilling for when you met those goals.  But most of the time I was like just because I have a goal doesn’t make me want to do my homework anymore than if I didn’t… And whether or not I hit them I was a firm believer in the phrase “close enough!”  It’s the same with cleaning – If I commit 20 minutes to cleaning my bathroom… I’m still going to watch the clock the whole time and probably quit somewhere around minute 8.  Or at work when your boss wants to discuss your quarterly goals… I don’t know I want to keep getting paid and eventually find a better job… And working out… “ONE MORE!” No – I didn’t want to do the last 9, I definitely don’t want to do one more.  I had a goal to be a pop-star when I was a pre-teen.  If I had met that goal I bet I would have been pretty darn excited.  But I didn’t and I guess as a result I’ll never recover… That’s a loss for all of us, let me tell you…

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So, as  you can imagine, last week when I set a goal of posting a number of different topics over the course of the week, I watched the days pass by and kept thinking “I’ll have time tomorrow” and it never happened.  To make matters worse, most of the time my phone isn’t accessible, so I’ve lost a lot of my deep and meaningful thoughts that could have been blog posts.

But it’s all okay.  I’m super busy and I started a blog when I was super bored.  Don’t get me wrong – I love The Young and Retired and plan to keep it up until I’m 6 feet under and my fingers fall off (I figure by that point we’ll be communicating virtually with the dead?) but what is fun is that I also love what has been keeping me so busy.  I miss Darcy so much during the day, I wish I had more time to overthink my thoughts to the internet, and sleep deprivation has never been quite so prevalent.

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I am as poor as I was when I graduated college and I can’t remember what the bottom of my laundry basket looks like.  But I’m so happy.  I haven’t been this happy since the last time I was this poor.  And what is poor anyway?  Just a matter of having money?  I can pay my bills, I can go out with my friends, and maybe I’ll set some new “goals” about funding my next European vacation.  But I think I was really poor back when I had a steady income and an awful commute and spent time around worthless people and wore out the snooze button on my alarm clock.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve felt excited to start my days. I’m meeting new people every hour and a half, I don’t take for granted days off, I don’t dread the week ahead of me.  So many of my anxieties have leveled out – I am ready to make plans for the future.  It’s amazing what a lifestyle change can do for you – especially a scary one where you leave what you thought you were supposed to do forever.

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Preach Tay!  It’s all a matter of perspective!

Maybe without realizing it, my whole “goal” for leaving my job is where I am now.  I don’t plan on doing this forever, but it’s exactly what I need for the time being.  Let me reiterate- I’m really happy.  It’s a nonconventional lifestyle to say the least, but it’s exciting and fun and instantly gratifying.  And I still have a pretty great blog at the same time!

There is more to come on the topics listed before, I promise.  Just stay tuned!

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Now We’ve Got Bad Blog

Before I started working my favorite part of my day was waking up to blog.  That’s an exaggeration – my favorite parts of my day were sitting on my roof, playing with my dog and justifying drinking before 4:00 PM.  But blogging was in the top 5.  Now I feel like I never have time to do so.  And that isn’t true at all – two part time jobs does not equal the end of retirement.  I didn’t work at all yesterday but did I blog?  Nope… I think it’s because I feel like if I write a bad post I’ll get criticism or people will stop reading.  Wrong – people will stop checking if there are no posts and therefore they forget to read.  And out of sight out of mind is worse than in sight, in mind and disappointed, right?  I’ve never been one for outlines or goals or any of that nonsense, but maybe if I promise some upcoming posts, I’ll have to follow through with them.  Otherwise, how will The Young and Retired be read by English Royalty and American celebrities and then be picked up by Penguin Books and turned into a world wide best seller before being picked up by Paramount and turned into an Academy Award winning Blockbuster?

The following are the topics I plan to cover over the course of the next week:

Dating:  This will clearly have to be a whole series. I’ve only been on a handful of dates lately, and needless to say, I’m still single.  But I’ve been on a lot in the past and I think it would be beneficial for myself and all of the other single ladies to dive into the hilarity that is dating in 2015.  And all of those who are in healthy fun relationships can read and send sympathy.

Weddings: Wedding season deserves a series devoted to it as well.  This is my first big wedding year.  Over the course of the 13 months between November 2014 and December 2015 I have 6 weddings.  So far they have been fabulous and all so different.

Vagabond Summer: From working in a crazy restaurant to working in a calm quiet gym to sleeping all day on a Thursday, this is without a doubt the most unconventional my life has ever been, college aside.  Maybe we can analyze further what it’s doing to my mental state and how it’s helping (or not at all) my bank account and get into the plans for the future.  There are big plans coming up – it just seems more appropriate to make sure the details like living and jobs are confirmed before plastering them across the WWW.

The Subway:  I have some really deep thoughts about public transportation

That’s all for now – more to come.  Look at this, I just wrote a full blog post about needing to buckle down and write a blog post.  This isn’t so hard!! Now for the inspiration to dive into the others… I promise they’re coming if you promise to stay tuned!!

Penny Pinching for Puppies

Once during an interview a few months ago, someone asked me why I got up every morning to go to work.  I think during the time I was trying to convince him that I truly loved and felt fulfilled with my work and was now looking for a new growth opportunity when in fact I had just left and was actually suffering from serious corporate America PTSD and couldn’t have cared less if he hired me or not.

It was a really difficult question to answer – it was a difficult question to even lie about.  Why does anyone go to work other than to get paid?  If you were told you could be paid to lay on a beach with your dog and a plethora of great books and swarms of gorgeous tanned men who walk by in fifteen minute intervals to tell you how beautiful you look or offer to reapply your sunscreen, and take your margarita order, would you sit in an office or try to sweet talk someone into buying computer software?  I don’t think so…

Over time (the last 20 minutes) I have come up with the following list of answers, many of which wouldn’t be interview suitable:

  1. There is free food in the break room all the time and they don’t pay me enough to eat and I’m hungry a lot
  2. I’m having an affair with someone a couple of cubicals down from me and I love the game
  3. I am the boss and I love to watch people fear how much they love me
  4. My job is super easy and I like feeling smart
  5. No one pays attention to what I do while I’m there so I use the time to catch up on my shows
  6. I have rap battles with the guys in the mail room and I’m so close to winning one of them
  7. I can access my 401(k) in a short 11,315 days and I want to watch it grow until then
  8. I can’t stand being at home with my kids because they remind me too much of my significant other and I only married them because he/she was rich and I didn’t want to have to work
  9. I wouldn’t survive a day on the streets
  10. I don’t want to work but I’m saving up to buy drums that I can bang on all day

I think I used my Public Relations background to respond with words like “the rush” and “the thrill” to make my job sound incredible.  If he believed me I’m disappointed in him because on the inside I was counting down the days until I left on vacation.  But really, other than a pay check and the financial sustainability aspect of it all, why does anyone go to work?  You could have hobbies, you could volunteer, you could have kids to take care of, this isn’t to say anyone should just be sitting at home – you can be successful in other ways.  If you love your job, more power to you – I am beyond jealous.  But why do you love it?  It’s a deep question – why do you go out and do what you do all day long for the vast majority of your life.  If it’s more than that – I’d love to know.

My parents got me this, ironically right after I entered into retirement.  I love it. Mainly because now that I’m leaving for work at random hours and sometimes more than once a day, my dog is furious about it.  But I think it suits me!

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And otherwise neither of us are going to eat.  She is getting better and better at giving me disapproving looks. For example, the other day, when she tried to hide in the messiest part of my closet so I couldn’t find her and then stared at me like this…

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Next job requirements: Dog Friendly Office…

So Much Sacred in the Month of June

I’m in a great mood this morning.  I don’t know exactly why.  Maybe it’s because my sweatshirt smells like sun screen.  Maybe it’s because of how precious my dog was as she tried to keep her eyes open when I took her out before work.  Maybe I’m delusional from only getting four hours of sleep?  Maybe it was the awesome girls training me last night who secretly tipped me, or the super sweet note the girl before me at the gym left.  Maybe it’s because my current responsibilities include wearing work out clothes and listening to Britney Spears Pandora. Maybe it’s because the Phillies beat the Yankees. Who knows?  But it’s nice to be happy about waking up in the morning.  Being happy is fantastic. IMG_5188 I love the month of June.  It’s officially summer.  Days are longer.  You wake up to sunshine.  When you walk out of a building at night time the breeze is warmer than the inside you just left.  It’s almost my birthday.  I love birthdays.  There are beer gardens galore.  People are out and about.  I can bring Darcy with me almost everywhere.  And I love being with Darcy.

FullSizeRender Even if something happens in the next hour and today goes horribly wrong, I’m feeling sentimental about this moment. I feel at peace with this moment. It’s a long lost feeling that we need to take a step back and recognize more often.

This is one of my favorite songs of all time.  I think it’s perfect for today.  Enjoy – I’ll be listening to it on repeat.

Real World Blog Slacker

I have been the worst blogger on the planet over the course of the last week.  Being young and retired has rapidly changed in to not as young as I used to be, over tired, not even close to organized, moody, hungry, irrationally stressed, Darcy-neglecting, and somehow, still poor.  My third book (since my first is going to be a memoir based on my blog and my second is going to be about my dating life called Mercury Poisoning) is going to be a comparison of working the standard 9-5 job in the corporate world versus working odd jobs around town which take up all of your time, all of your energy, are fast paced and exciting but require there to be more than one in order to make ends meet.  (Fun fact – it was recently that I learned it isn’t ‘ends meat’ – like you would get the end of a cow or something… you’re welcome for that tid-bit.)

I’ve had my first taste of this other form of working for the last week, all of which came to fruition on Friday.  I sent Darcy to camp dog wonderland, also known as my parents house, for a couple of days while I tried to figure out how to manage my new schedule.  I feel the need to mention that so my massive PETA following doesn’t think she was caged up and unfed for three days since I spent about 2 full hours at home.

Back together and it feels so good!!!!

Back together and it feels so good!!!!

On Friday, I worked at my gym job from 5:30 AM until 2:30 PM.  Afterwards, I went home, changed, and decided I should walk to my restaurant job.  I left my house at 3:15 thinking I would get there early, and showed up at 3:52 for my 4:00 shift.  Google Maps said it would take me 23 minutes.  We also learned I’m the slowest walker along with worst blogger on the planet.

Everyone has been saying to me during this entire retirement period “just wait tables – you’ll make a ton of money.”  Just wait tables.  That statement seemed so easy.  Well, this is an apology to any waiter/tress out there who I have ever underestimated.  Waiting tables is difficult.  You have to constantly be watching your customers.  You always need to be moving around.  You have to remember ridiculous orders.  You have to recommend something to people who you know nothing about.  I’m usually that patron too, asking brilliant questions like “What should I get?” to a complete stranger who couldn’t care less what you eat.

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At first, I stood back and waited for direction.  I’ve since been told the other servers don’t have time to give you direction so keep doing what needs to be done.  I find myself so excited when I can answer a question that someone has that I forget what they ordered by the time I get back to the computer.  I messed up an order on Friday night – I put in the wrong type of chicken wings.  I was sent to the back to roll silverware and once the order was remedied the Chef yelled “Hey, New Girl – what table did you F*** up?!”  Talk about a change from the corporate world.  But  It was okay.  I did screw up and his response was scary and I’ll try not to screw up again.  My boss at my old job would have smack talked me to the rest of my team all the while making my life a living hell and never discussing what the real problem was.  So bring it, Scary Kitchen Guys.

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I used to be really good at rolling silverware when I worked in a restaurant in college.  Apparently that’s a skill that I’ve lost over time because someone told me I looked like I’ve never rolled a blunt before.  And much to his surprise, I said in fact sir, I have not.  Another person called me Fresh Meat all night.  Deep down I was slightly flattered, but then realized that wasn’t actually a compliment on my appearance when he would bark as I walked by.

It’s amazing the difference of environment when you aren’t being over shadowed by an HR department.

The gym is entirely different.  There are chipper women who show up before 6:00 AM every morning to get in their high cardio and sculpting classes before heading off to their day jobs or back home to nurse their babies.  The entire place is filled with enthusiasm and positive energy.  I even have the opportunity to work out with them now and then and the classes are up beat and encouraging.  They drink green smoothies and spend full pay checks on week long cleanses and clean eating.  No one is passive aggressive, no one is talking about you when you aren’t listening, no one is miserable.

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They’re both difficult jobs.  The gym because of the hours and the restaurant because of the tasks required.  Do I plan to be at either for a long period of time?  No – and maybe knowing it isn’t forever is what makes them so much more exciting.  But I’m meeting new people, they’re both fast paced and fun and it’s a nice breath of fresh air from sitting in a cubical and wishing the building would blow up to put me out of my misery.

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Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor

Thanks for writing that song for me, America. Retirement is getting exhausting. I decided the first part time job I had wasn’t enough so I picked up another. However, at this point I’m working every day and have still only seen one pay check. I don’t miss my old job at all. I don’t miss my commute. I don’t miss the crazies. I don’t miss the cubical. But I do miss having a normal schedule and regularly getting paid. It’s funny the things you take for granted. It seems so nice to be able to have all this time off now and then but when you don’t work 9-5 jobs you find yourself working at 5:30 in the morning or trying to get your shift covered on Saturday for a wedding. Someone asked me out on a date this weekend and I couldn’t tell you the next weekend I would be free for such an event. It isn’t bad- I’d rather be working than not working- but it is very different and something to get used to as we dive deeper into the Summer of Me. 
This is the only thing I’ve really been able to come up with for posts this week. I’ll think of more but my sleep patterns haven’t done any favors in exercising my brain. I guess I could have gotten pretty elaborate on how fantastic the Taylor Swift concert was or penned some precious story about my dog, but you’ve heard that all before. Basically this is how I have been feeling: 

 
Always leave it to Michael Scott to know the right thing to say!