Penny Pinching for Puppies

Once during an interview a few months ago, someone asked me why I got up every morning to go to work.  I think during the time I was trying to convince him that I truly loved and felt fulfilled with my work and was now looking for a new growth opportunity when in fact I had just left and was actually suffering from serious corporate America PTSD and couldn’t have cared less if he hired me or not.

It was a really difficult question to answer – it was a difficult question to even lie about.  Why does anyone go to work other than to get paid?  If you were told you could be paid to lay on a beach with your dog and a plethora of great books and swarms of gorgeous tanned men who walk by in fifteen minute intervals to tell you how beautiful you look or offer to reapply your sunscreen, and take your margarita order, would you sit in an office or try to sweet talk someone into buying computer software?  I don’t think so…

Over time (the last 20 minutes) I have come up with the following list of answers, many of which wouldn’t be interview suitable:

  1. There is free food in the break room all the time and they don’t pay me enough to eat and I’m hungry a lot
  2. I’m having an affair with someone a couple of cubicals down from me and I love the game
  3. I am the boss and I love to watch people fear how much they love me
  4. My job is super easy and I like feeling smart
  5. No one pays attention to what I do while I’m there so I use the time to catch up on my shows
  6. I have rap battles with the guys in the mail room and I’m so close to winning one of them
  7. I can access my 401(k) in a short 11,315 days and I want to watch it grow until then
  8. I can’t stand being at home with my kids because they remind me too much of my significant other and I only married them because he/she was rich and I didn’t want to have to work
  9. I wouldn’t survive a day on the streets
  10. I don’t want to work but I’m saving up to buy drums that I can bang on all day

I think I used my Public Relations background to respond with words like “the rush” and “the thrill” to make my job sound incredible.  If he believed me I’m disappointed in him because on the inside I was counting down the days until I left on vacation.  But really, other than a pay check and the financial sustainability aspect of it all, why does anyone go to work?  You could have hobbies, you could volunteer, you could have kids to take care of, this isn’t to say anyone should just be sitting at home – you can be successful in other ways.  If you love your job, more power to you – I am beyond jealous.  But why do you love it?  It’s a deep question – why do you go out and do what you do all day long for the vast majority of your life.  If it’s more than that – I’d love to know.

My parents got me this, ironically right after I entered into retirement.  I love it. Mainly because now that I’m leaving for work at random hours and sometimes more than once a day, my dog is furious about it.  But I think it suits me!


And otherwise neither of us are going to eat.  She is getting better and better at giving me disapproving looks. For example, the other day, when she tried to hide in the messiest part of my closet so I couldn’t find her and then stared at me like this…


Next job requirements: Dog Friendly Office…

What Haunts You in the Night

I’ve always had many fears.  Like – a ton. I’ve learned to deal with a lot of it, mainly because that’s the only way I’ll get through the day, but I’m scared of a lot of things.

Most of the things that I have nightmares about are out of my control.  Death. Taxes. Weather. Crappy bosses.  We’ve all been there.  I get nervous in turbulence on airplanes and I keep mace and my taser in my purse if I ever have to walk alone somewhere. I also never walk anywhere alone and rarely fly sober.

Normally I can avoid most of these fears or prepare to face them.  But today, at my new, fabulous job, I was caught off guard and never saw it coming.

One of my biggest irrational fears is of tape measures.

My body tensed up just Googling this image.  The things I do for aesthetic blog appeal...

My body tensed up just Googling this image. The things I do for aesthetic blog appeal…

When I was in the first grade I knew this girl who had a little tape measure.  Her brother tried to take it from her and she slit open his hand when she retracted the tape.  He had to get all these stitches.  I’ll never forget it.  The blood squirted everywhere.  His screams.  Every time I see them I wait for them to just snap and slit my whole body open.  They’re absolutely terrifying.

I also remember this vividly because her mom asked me not to tell anyone what happened to her brother’s hand.  So I didn’t.  But then when I accidentally let her turtle escape she told everyone.  Some friend.

This new job that I love allows me to wear work out clothes, spend time with positive people and walk around barefoot all day.  It’s amazing.  But it also means that now and then I might have to use a tape measure.  Stay tuned, I may have to be sedated before my future shifts!