Everyone is a Witness

I am super tired this morning because I stayed up way too late watching Baltimore rioting coverage and Scandal on Netflix.  Another beauty of Netflix – you can watch it on your laptop/iPad/iPhone – so you can watch the news on the television at the same time.  Geez Louise…

Anyway – as a result there’s a curfew in Baltimore and a ban on Scandal in my house for today.  We’re calling it ‘No Netflix Tuesday.’

There is something that comes with the territory of binge-watching shows.  You feel like you’re a star player.  You’re so invested that you forget it isn’t your life.  It isn’t real.  The impact is different depending on the genre of show and how you’re feeling that day.  When I binge-watch Friends, I get discouraged when I make a joke later and there isn’t generated laughter that fills the room.  I want my friends to know what I’m thinking with a look.  And I want to be able to storm into the apartment across the hall and tell them to quiet the chick and the duck!  But a lot of times my Roommate just thinks I’m crazy and we do not have enough of a relationship with our crazy French neighbors that I could just go into their apartment – nor would I want to.  Regardless – I still like to pretend that I wake up in the morning with the life of Rachel Green.  We are a lot alike; she didn’t have a job at one point – and I’m pretty positive that if it had been 20 years later she would have spent her time writing a blog.  And we pretty much look exactly the same – especially when complaining.

Rachel-10X16-rachel-green-2981081-720-480

All of the Blue Bloods and Law and Order: SVU episodes that I’ve watched while drinking wine and laying on my couch have brought me to the conclusion that I would be a great detective.  I think I’d be a solid “good cop” and always be able to relate to my victims but have the knack of being ruthless and scrappy with my suspects.

There we are.  Just three detectives.  Solving crime and saving lives.

There we are. Just three detectives. Solving crime and saving lives.

Anytime I binge-watch detective shows everyone around me becomes a witness.  Like the construction worker who I passed when walking to my car one day.  If I went missing – Benson and Stabler are definitely going to come across him and if they don’t have a picture of me they’ll show him a picture of Jennifer Aniston (because of the resemblance) and he’ll say “Yea I saw her – it was two days and six hours ago – she was walkin’ her dog.  Seemed scared.  She had a look on her face – something musta’ spooked her!” And he’ll tell them this all while he’s digging up the road and going about his day job.

Once, a couple of years ago, I was alone at my parents house and spent a full Sunday watching 8 hours of Law and Order: SVU.  I was sort of uncomfortable when I went to bed but didn’t think much of it.  All of the sudden, at 2:00 AM, my car alarm started going off.  And I panicked!  I was definitely about to become the next victim – the next news story that the show loosely depicts in a new episode.  I locked myself in my closet and called the police.  I was practically in tears and I told them that my car alarm went off and I was scared and I might need a detective and someone was going to break in and you can find me in the back of my closet.

Imagine being on the other end of that call.  I remember them asking me if I was home alone and I said yes so they said they would send someone over.  But when I opened the door the (SUPER cute) cop looked at me like I was crazy.  They definitely thought I was a child.  They probably had the forms ready to arrest my parents for leaving their little girl home alone and had a car seat in the back ready to take me to foster care.  Most people would go downstairs, click their car keys, turn off the alarm and go back to sleep.  But I had a mental breakdown and called the police all because I had watched too much SVU that day.  Super cute cop told me I should probably just put my car in the garage and go back to sleep.

Live and learn.

Currently, I’m dealing with living in Scandal. I feel like the eerie background music should be following me around.  Without it – things seem eerily silent… I’ve felt irrationally stressed out that the key players keep so many things from each other.  If they would just communicate their thoughts and feelings better half of their victims would be alive right now!  I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth last night and was waiting for a trained assassin to be hiding in my shower – waiting to kill me – or waiting to protect me.  It’s so hard to trust the people in your shower anymore.

I think this probably proves why it’s important to impose No Netflix Tuesday.  I already feel more productive and I think it’s just because I don’t think Olivia Pope is following me around.

Good luck binge watchers – may all of your days be as productive as those detectives who solve the most complex crimes in one hour.

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Addiction at its Finest

I’ll be the first to tell you, I’m often late to the game.  I didn’t get an iPhone until it was a 4S.  It took me a while to wrap my head around the skinny jeans idea.  I’m still not fully sold on kale.  You know – it just takes me a little while to get into the most current fad.

This weekend… I discovered Netflix.

And for so long – I have been blind.

You always see meme’s about being in a relationship with your Netflix account or binge watching vs binge eating… And I always thought I was above it.  I don’t watch a lot of television shows and when I binge watch something it’s usually Friends on syndication when I feel lonely and want to pretend I’m their seventh member.  But in the last 48 hours – all of this has changed.

Netflix is like God’s gift to the super bored/hungover/dumped/tired/retired citizens of the world. You find whatever it is you want to watch – click play – and it goes on forever.

OH MY GOODNESS – I literally hit play to take a picture for this post and have watched ten minutes.  I haven’t even taken my coat off from walking Darcy and I want to say that’s for the good of the blog but I think it’s subconsciously for Season 2: Episode 10 of Scandal.

Anyway – you decide what you want to watch, sweet talk your friend into giving you her brother’s password while he’s away in Iowa at what I can only assume is a corn-shucking event, log-in and select your program. Then, it starts.  Season 1: Episode 1.  And you think – eh, this should be alright.  So you watch Episode 1.  And it’s good and you’re wondering what happens next.  And that is when Netflix strikes.  That’s when this fantastic and addicting service sinks it’s talons into your eyes and holds you so hard you can never get away.  Immediately Episode 2 starts.  You don’t have to go back to the home screen or hit play – it waits 15 seconds, and just starts.  Otherwise- if you can’t wait that long, which has been the case for me a number of times in the last, now 52 hours – you can hit the big red play button that appears in the middle of the episode preview and skip the credits from the one you just watched.  They also make it impossible to find a pause or stop button.

#nonono  #nottoday

#nonono #nottoday

The next step is to thank the Lord you do not have a job because it would have been a darn shame when you had to use PTO days to stay in your house and catch up to the current Season 4.

Kudos Netflix – you got me.  Just like you got the rest of them.  You’re like a highly trained assassin who sneaks in and quietly squeezes the life out of any productivity I could have had today… or this weekend.  I feel like a drug addict.  To think, 52 hours ago, I was clean.

So enthralled

So enthralled