Penny Pinching for Puppies

Once during an interview a few months ago, someone asked me why I got up every morning to go to work.  I think during the time I was trying to convince him that I truly loved and felt fulfilled with my work and was now looking for a new growth opportunity when in fact I had just left and was actually suffering from serious corporate America PTSD and couldn’t have cared less if he hired me or not.

It was a really difficult question to answer – it was a difficult question to even lie about.  Why does anyone go to work other than to get paid?  If you were told you could be paid to lay on a beach with your dog and a plethora of great books and swarms of gorgeous tanned men who walk by in fifteen minute intervals to tell you how beautiful you look or offer to reapply your sunscreen, and take your margarita order, would you sit in an office or try to sweet talk someone into buying computer software?  I don’t think so…

Over time (the last 20 minutes) I have come up with the following list of answers, many of which wouldn’t be interview suitable:

  1. There is free food in the break room all the time and they don’t pay me enough to eat and I’m hungry a lot
  2. I’m having an affair with someone a couple of cubicals down from me and I love the game
  3. I am the boss and I love to watch people fear how much they love me
  4. My job is super easy and I like feeling smart
  5. No one pays attention to what I do while I’m there so I use the time to catch up on my shows
  6. I have rap battles with the guys in the mail room and I’m so close to winning one of them
  7. I can access my 401(k) in a short 11,315 days and I want to watch it grow until then
  8. I can’t stand being at home with my kids because they remind me too much of my significant other and I only married them because he/she was rich and I didn’t want to have to work
  9. I wouldn’t survive a day on the streets
  10. I don’t want to work but I’m saving up to buy drums that I can bang on all day

I think I used my Public Relations background to respond with words like “the rush” and “the thrill” to make my job sound incredible.  If he believed me I’m disappointed in him because on the inside I was counting down the days until I left on vacation.  But really, other than a pay check and the financial sustainability aspect of it all, why does anyone go to work?  You could have hobbies, you could volunteer, you could have kids to take care of, this isn’t to say anyone should just be sitting at home – you can be successful in other ways.  If you love your job, more power to you – I am beyond jealous.  But why do you love it?  It’s a deep question – why do you go out and do what you do all day long for the vast majority of your life.  If it’s more than that – I’d love to know.

My parents got me this, ironically right after I entered into retirement.  I love it. Mainly because now that I’m leaving for work at random hours and sometimes more than once a day, my dog is furious about it.  But I think it suits me!

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And otherwise neither of us are going to eat.  She is getting better and better at giving me disapproving looks. For example, the other day, when she tried to hide in the messiest part of my closet so I couldn’t find her and then stared at me like this…

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Next job requirements: Dog Friendly Office…

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Quick Trip to the late 1990’s

It’s finally beautiful in Philadelphia.  Here’s another thing about being retired – when my soul was sold to corporate America, I never had the opportunity to sit on top of my office in a bikini and bronze up while I worked.  So add that to the Dream I was talking about living earlier.

Anyway – I decided to grab sunscreen on my way up to my office and went under my Roommate’s sink to see what she had in there.  It’s funny because she always complains about her fair skin and how she burns so quickly but today all of her problems were solved.  You see – the last time she bought sun screen, Bill Clinton was President, TLC was at the top of the Billboard charts, the St. Louis Rams were winning the Superbowl she was in the 6th grade…

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Back in the Office

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I finally made it back up to my office today.  It’s been abnormally cold the last week or so and I’ve been confined to the walls of my apartment.  Darcy and I went for a walk down around Independence Hall and the Constitution Center this morning which was when I realized we were back in business.

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It took twenty minutes to actually get up here. Our stairs are so steep that if you forget something it’s usually not worth the effort to go down and get it.  Here’s what I brought up:

A glass of water (I get thirsty)

A bottle of water (Darcy gets thirsty)

A bag of ice (water gets warm)

A hoagie (I get hungry) IMG_4444

Darcy’s bowl (filled with ice cubes for distractions)

My cell phone (for Instagram)

My cell phone charger (necessity)

My computer (to relay my thoughts)

My computer charger (necessity)

A notebook (as you know – I have a lot of thoughts)

The book I am reading (The Girl on the Train)

A blanket (it’s always chilly in Philadelphia)

A sweatshirt (see above)

A bone for Darcy (distractions)

Dog treats for Darcy (distractions)

Speakers (it isn’t an office if it isn’t playing country music)

My keys (otherwise my crazy French neighbors might break in)

So far I don’t think I’ve missed anything. Darcy is chasing a bumble bee despite my warnings (so much for distractions) and I’m laying on the deck writing in the sunshine.  I’m trying so hard to miss my cubical and my boring day job but just cannot seem to get there.  Retirement is a beautiful thing, y’all.


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