The Art of Procrastination

I get so much done when there is something I don’t want to do.  The Queen of Mediocrity is likewise the Duchess of putting things off.  There are a million things I could be doing before work today.

  • I need a manicure and pedicure so bad it’s embarrassing but walking to the nail salon is cold and pampering yourself costs money
  • My dog needs to be exercised but it’s still cold outside
  • My laundry needs to be put away but I just keep turning the dryer back on to “fluff” my sheets
  • I started a photo album of our 2014 trip to France – the only thing my father has asked for since we returned.  Have I finished it?  Nope.  Do I want to? Very much. Is it driving me nuts?  Yep.
  • I need to run errands.  I need to go to the grocery store and Target – I have a full page list of things that I am out of.  I need to pick up my boots from the shoe maker and I need to get my oil changed. But alas, it is cold.

I feel like I’m procrastinating making this post worth while.  Maybe I should stop.  The only thing I’ve actually accomplished by avoiding all of these tasks is picking up where I left off in the blogging world.  I’m putting off finishing another post that I started last night because I started to ramble and couldn’t figure out how to end it.

Ah- laundry is done.  Time to get up and start the dryer again.

Advertisements

There are No Winter Wonderlands

You know what sucks?  Every season that isn’t summer.  Over the course of the last year I was very adamant about moving South.  And once the time to do so got closer, I started making up excuses about why I didn’t want to leave – one of which was not wanting to miss out on all four of the beautiful changing seasons.

Once I did decide to stay, we were thrown into the most mild of winters ever.  It was 70 degrees on Christmas Day.  There was no precipitation in the forecast.  And all I could think was ‘Gosh this is a bummer – where is the winter!’

Well, last week we got snow.  And cold.  And clouds.  And we plummeted deep into the heart of sad, sick, winter depression.

jess

This sucks.  I’ve been in a bad mood for a straight week.  Darcy won’t go in the snow and when she does she eats the salt and then throws up all day.  I have more bruises from falling than a battered piece of fruit.  I’ve spent half my life savings on Uber surge fees and more hours than I can count sitting in traffic and listening to cars slam on their horns due to Philadelphia’s aversion to plowing their streets.

fall

Nothing good comes from the snow.  You’re pale.  Your Uggs get ruined.  You’re cold.  Who ever wants to be cold?  Winter drinks are like – White Russians and Hot Toddys.  The summer is filled with sunshine and margaritas and happiness and baseball.  You know what sports the winter has after football season?  Me neither – because hockey is boring.

I’ll leave you with this.  The most amusement to come out of a blizzard.  Here’s hoping again that PETA hasn’t figured me out yet…

She was less than thrilled.

darcy

In a Flash like That, Recognize I’m back

I am sorry to all 54 or so of my followers for my absence the last 28 days and the fact that all of the posts prior to that were just blogging about how I really needed to blog. As the wise rapper T.I. once said, “I’m back.”  Life has finally settled down and my thoughts have cleared out well enough that I can put them into words again.  Or at least in some capacity.  Let’s see how far we get.

Over the course of the last month, I left my gym job and have become a full time waitress.  And it has been great.  I’ve finally gotten the knack of knowing what I need to do and when to do it, I’ve made some nice new work friends, I’ve gotten on the good side of the kitchen so I get free food, and I’ve sweet talked at least 10 people into starting a fantasy football league.  I’m in.

It’s exciting to start to feel like ‘me’ again, as cliche as that may sound.  Misery drains your energy and your feeling of self worth and your desire to live your life, and no one should live that way.  I’m no expert on happiness, but I know the difference between being happy and wanting to hide in your closet every day of the week to avoid the rest of the world and I now know that the former is preferred.  I’m not 100% recovered yet, but at least I’m on the way.

I’m having a wonderfully relaxed couple of days and someone just walked by me and said “I like the way you work!”  Let’s set the stage:  I’m in a hotel lobby which is full of players from my favorite football team.  I’m wearing leggings and a sweatshirt.  I’m drinking a Blue Moon and listening to country music.  My feet are up on the chair next to me and I’m blogging.  I love that this was just deemed “work.”  Because I do have a job where I get paid which I very much enjoy and I love to keep up with my blog when I have time.  And it’s obviously going to be a book deal one day, right?  What’s that silly quote?  Something like, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life?”  Well if that’s the case right now, I love working.

Enough with the sappy emo nonsense.  Let’s jot down what else has happened over my blog-less 28 days:

One: Darcy turned two years old!! Can you believe it?!  Despite her insistence on running into traffic or massive treat consumption, she has managed to survive for two whole years!  Clearly there was a celebration…

IMG_6323

IMG_6321

Two: I met my favorite baseball player of all time, Darren Daulton.  I couldn’t speak to him for a long time.  Eventually I did, but mainly I just stared and waved like the biggest nerd ever.  But he was really nice and took a picture with my brother and me, with which I have wallpapered my room.

IMG_6239

IMG_6249

Three: I had a fabulous weekend in our Nation’s capital with my college friends.  An imperative member was missing (that’s you Bailey!) but there’s nothing like getting together with people you have such a strong history with.  It was so much fun.

IMG_6034

Four: I went to the Kenny Chesney concert.  I thought it was good but not great.  He needs to get some tips from Taylor Swift.

IMG_5972


Five: My parents celebrated their 30 year wedding anniversary by spending it with my brothers and me and one of the best meals we have ever had.  Clearly the night was topped off with celebratory baby Guinness shots… I mean, how else would the Irish celebrate?

IMG_6222

Five: I stopped drinking whiskey!  That doesn’t help a ton but does make things a little better.  It didn’t help me learn to count any better apparently

Six: I cleaned my room, messed it up again, cleaned it again… it’s all been a vicious cycle

Seven: I have lost three shoes from three different pairs.  So there were once six shoes – there are now three shoes, one of each.

Eight: I re-watched the first season of True Detective rather than trying to force myself into the second season.  Fact – it’s even better the second time.  I love Louisiana

10-td.w529.h352.2x

I think those are the most earth shattering things to mention.  I hope everyone else has had as great a 28 days as I have!! And don’t worry, I’m really back – get ready, the rest of the summer is going to be blog worthy!

Goalies in Wonderland

I was never one for goal setting.  I remember in school teachers talking about going home and committing X number of hours to homework a night.  I think goal setting was supposed to be really fulfilling for when you met those goals.  But most of the time I was like just because I have a goal doesn’t make me want to do my homework anymore than if I didn’t… And whether or not I hit them I was a firm believer in the phrase “close enough!”  It’s the same with cleaning – If I commit 20 minutes to cleaning my bathroom… I’m still going to watch the clock the whole time and probably quit somewhere around minute 8.  Or at work when your boss wants to discuss your quarterly goals… I don’t know I want to keep getting paid and eventually find a better job… And working out… “ONE MORE!” No – I didn’t want to do the last 9, I definitely don’t want to do one more.  I had a goal to be a pop-star when I was a pre-teen.  If I had met that goal I bet I would have been pretty darn excited.  But I didn’t and I guess as a result I’ll never recover… That’s a loss for all of us, let me tell you…

dwight-goalies-300x206

So, as  you can imagine, last week when I set a goal of posting a number of different topics over the course of the week, I watched the days pass by and kept thinking “I’ll have time tomorrow” and it never happened.  To make matters worse, most of the time my phone isn’t accessible, so I’ve lost a lot of my deep and meaningful thoughts that could have been blog posts.

But it’s all okay.  I’m super busy and I started a blog when I was super bored.  Don’t get me wrong – I love The Young and Retired and plan to keep it up until I’m 6 feet under and my fingers fall off (I figure by that point we’ll be communicating virtually with the dead?) but what is fun is that I also love what has been keeping me so busy.  I miss Darcy so much during the day, I wish I had more time to overthink my thoughts to the internet, and sleep deprivation has never been quite so prevalent.

3c02747034012b0357202ef1a79c3a650dfe8249cb309f6c4313336ba961ae07

I am as poor as I was when I graduated college and I can’t remember what the bottom of my laundry basket looks like.  But I’m so happy.  I haven’t been this happy since the last time I was this poor.  And what is poor anyway?  Just a matter of having money?  I can pay my bills, I can go out with my friends, and maybe I’ll set some new “goals” about funding my next European vacation.  But I think I was really poor back when I had a steady income and an awful commute and spent time around worthless people and wore out the snooze button on my alarm clock.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve felt excited to start my days. I’m meeting new people every hour and a half, I don’t take for granted days off, I don’t dread the week ahead of me.  So many of my anxieties have leveled out – I am ready to make plans for the future.  It’s amazing what a lifestyle change can do for you – especially a scary one where you leave what you thought you were supposed to do forever.

tumblr_nhek04Jvbz1rlfmvio1_500

Preach Tay!  It’s all a matter of perspective!

Maybe without realizing it, my whole “goal” for leaving my job is where I am now.  I don’t plan on doing this forever, but it’s exactly what I need for the time being.  Let me reiterate- I’m really happy.  It’s a nonconventional lifestyle to say the least, but it’s exciting and fun and instantly gratifying.  And I still have a pretty great blog at the same time!

There is more to come on the topics listed before, I promise.  Just stay tuned!

Now We’ve Got Bad Blog

Before I started working my favorite part of my day was waking up to blog.  That’s an exaggeration – my favorite parts of my day were sitting on my roof, playing with my dog and justifying drinking before 4:00 PM.  But blogging was in the top 5.  Now I feel like I never have time to do so.  And that isn’t true at all – two part time jobs does not equal the end of retirement.  I didn’t work at all yesterday but did I blog?  Nope… I think it’s because I feel like if I write a bad post I’ll get criticism or people will stop reading.  Wrong – people will stop checking if there are no posts and therefore they forget to read.  And out of sight out of mind is worse than in sight, in mind and disappointed, right?  I’ve never been one for outlines or goals or any of that nonsense, but maybe if I promise some upcoming posts, I’ll have to follow through with them.  Otherwise, how will The Young and Retired be read by English Royalty and American celebrities and then be picked up by Penguin Books and turned into a world wide best seller before being picked up by Paramount and turned into an Academy Award winning Blockbuster?

The following are the topics I plan to cover over the course of the next week:

Dating:  This will clearly have to be a whole series. I’ve only been on a handful of dates lately, and needless to say, I’m still single.  But I’ve been on a lot in the past and I think it would be beneficial for myself and all of the other single ladies to dive into the hilarity that is dating in 2015.  And all of those who are in healthy fun relationships can read and send sympathy.

Weddings: Wedding season deserves a series devoted to it as well.  This is my first big wedding year.  Over the course of the 13 months between November 2014 and December 2015 I have 6 weddings.  So far they have been fabulous and all so different.

Vagabond Summer: From working in a crazy restaurant to working in a calm quiet gym to sleeping all day on a Thursday, this is without a doubt the most unconventional my life has ever been, college aside.  Maybe we can analyze further what it’s doing to my mental state and how it’s helping (or not at all) my bank account and get into the plans for the future.  There are big plans coming up – it just seems more appropriate to make sure the details like living and jobs are confirmed before plastering them across the WWW.

The Subway:  I have some really deep thoughts about public transportation

That’s all for now – more to come.  Look at this, I just wrote a full blog post about needing to buckle down and write a blog post.  This isn’t so hard!! Now for the inspiration to dive into the others… I promise they’re coming if you promise to stay tuned!!

Happy Birthday to Ya!

In about a half an hour I’ll officially be 28 years old.  How is that even possible?!  Time flies when you’re having fun it seems.

I love birthdays.  It’s a whole day to celebrate the fact that you were born and everyone else acknowledges it as well!  And if you know me, I deserve a whole day to celebrate that I’ve kept myself alive for this long.  I have a cousin who calls at the crack of dawn every single 6/29 to sing this to me.  It’s my favorite birthday song and I hope everyone out there listens to it and has just as amazing 6/29 as I plan to!

  

Penny Pinching for Puppies

Once during an interview a few months ago, someone asked me why I got up every morning to go to work.  I think during the time I was trying to convince him that I truly loved and felt fulfilled with my work and was now looking for a new growth opportunity when in fact I had just left and was actually suffering from serious corporate America PTSD and couldn’t have cared less if he hired me or not.

It was a really difficult question to answer – it was a difficult question to even lie about.  Why does anyone go to work other than to get paid?  If you were told you could be paid to lay on a beach with your dog and a plethora of great books and swarms of gorgeous tanned men who walk by in fifteen minute intervals to tell you how beautiful you look or offer to reapply your sunscreen, and take your margarita order, would you sit in an office or try to sweet talk someone into buying computer software?  I don’t think so…

Over time (the last 20 minutes) I have come up with the following list of answers, many of which wouldn’t be interview suitable:

  1. There is free food in the break room all the time and they don’t pay me enough to eat and I’m hungry a lot
  2. I’m having an affair with someone a couple of cubicals down from me and I love the game
  3. I am the boss and I love to watch people fear how much they love me
  4. My job is super easy and I like feeling smart
  5. No one pays attention to what I do while I’m there so I use the time to catch up on my shows
  6. I have rap battles with the guys in the mail room and I’m so close to winning one of them
  7. I can access my 401(k) in a short 11,315 days and I want to watch it grow until then
  8. I can’t stand being at home with my kids because they remind me too much of my significant other and I only married them because he/she was rich and I didn’t want to have to work
  9. I wouldn’t survive a day on the streets
  10. I don’t want to work but I’m saving up to buy drums that I can bang on all day

I think I used my Public Relations background to respond with words like “the rush” and “the thrill” to make my job sound incredible.  If he believed me I’m disappointed in him because on the inside I was counting down the days until I left on vacation.  But really, other than a pay check and the financial sustainability aspect of it all, why does anyone go to work?  You could have hobbies, you could volunteer, you could have kids to take care of, this isn’t to say anyone should just be sitting at home – you can be successful in other ways.  If you love your job, more power to you – I am beyond jealous.  But why do you love it?  It’s a deep question – why do you go out and do what you do all day long for the vast majority of your life.  If it’s more than that – I’d love to know.

My parents got me this, ironically right after I entered into retirement.  I love it. Mainly because now that I’m leaving for work at random hours and sometimes more than once a day, my dog is furious about it.  But I think it suits me!

IMG_5588

And otherwise neither of us are going to eat.  She is getting better and better at giving me disapproving looks. For example, the other day, when she tried to hide in the messiest part of my closet so I couldn’t find her and then stared at me like this…

IMG_5617

Next job requirements: Dog Friendly Office…