Not the Girl I Used to Be

I prided myself in college for my deep connection with my Irish roots and the way I could hold my alcohol. Whether or not I was fun to hang out with, I’ll let my college friends attest to, but I had no problem closing down a bar and waking up relatively hang-over free. I’m guessing they had a pretty good time too. 

  

   

I’ve often heard the age old saying “I’m no spring chicken” or “I just can’t party like I used to” and felt terrible for whomever made such an admittance. I would never be that person. At least not until I was gainfully employed with a dreamy doctor husband and perfect children and didn’t have time to over indulge in tequila shots because of my successful Doggie Daycare side business and fabulous dinner parties. 

And I was wrong.

I hate being wrong. Especially in situations like this. I didn’t open my eyes until noon yesterday because I said ‘yes’ to Fireball shots on Wednesday night. At one time- Fireball only whispered temptations in my ears and introduced me to one of my best friends, Digornio Rising Crust. Now, it comes through like a Mac truck and I’m the pavement. 

  

The only thing worse than a vicious hangover is checking your phone the next morning. When you’re in the early stages of dating is when it’s the worst. Incoherent text messages. Outgoing calls. Outgoing calls long enough to imply you left a voicemail. Ouch. You can only use the excuse ‘oh I meant to call (insert name that begins with the same initial- ideally another guy to make them jealous- even though they’re probably just freaked out- here) and must have hit the wrong name!’ So many times. 

 
Pictures can also be dangerous. Especially if you take photos with your girlfriends in the bathroom of the bar and your drunk eyes see the most gorgeous woman in the world so you decide you should send it to any and all potential suitors out there. Like the following. To my knowledge this wasn’t sent out, due to all of our lack of potential suitors- but I hate bathroom selfies in real life. I hate selfies in general. And taking a picture in the bathroom is just stupid. But apparently, my drunk alter ego deemed this the ideal way to celebrate a triple crown win- notice It was so exciting that I’m still holding soap- TAKE IT RIGHT NOW WE ARE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL BEFORE WE WASH OUR HANDS!!   

I guess I’m just sad because I thought I would at least carry my strong tolerance through my 20s. And it isn’t going to happen. But maybe it’s for the best. I’ll cut back on drunk dials and silly selfies and harsh hangovers. I guess I’m just not the girl I used to be. I blame you entirely, Fireball. 

  

Advertisements

Happy Birthday, Roommate!!

Good roommates are hard to come by.  My biggest nightmare is a dirty roommate who doesn’t drink and has anger issues.  Fortunately, I live with the opposite of that.   Here are a couple of things about my Roommate that you should know:

– When we met, I had had it with roommates.  I wanted to live alone or with a guy.  A mutual friend introduced us and told me she was the closest I would get to living with a guy.  And it’s true.  Especially now that I don’t have a job.  Roommate wakes up and goes to work every day and I sit around and sometimes cook, rarely but sometimes clean and wait for her to get home to tell me what the outside world is like.  It’s a great balance that I think I enjoy a lot more than she does.

Hooray!!

Hooray!!

– She’s super organized.  I don’t really believe in organization because I think it’s easier to find your clothes when they’re already on your floor.  Once, she sneaked (again – snuck, not a word) into my room and put together a shelf and organized my shoes.  When I load the dishwasher she waits until I leave the room and does it again – and never even complains.  It’s great because she would prefer I didn’t unload the dishwasher so she doesn’t have to re-do the Tupperware drawer.  This is the difference between our rooms when we pack:

10686683_10100371637138333_9035081314325411135_n

– She loves to drink.  She’s not the type to come home at night and open a bottle of wine because she had a rough Tuesday.  But I am.  I’m the type to come home and open a bottle of wine no matter what kind of Tuesday it is.  But I never have to worry about drinking alone because she will ALWAYS drink with you.  We’ve hit the point after all of these years when I say “do you want a glass” and she laughs and rolls her eyes.  Which means yes.  On the slim chance that she says no, I pour it anyway.  We live by the firm belief of no wine left behind.

See those empty bottles... They were full before my Roommate got to them

See those empty bottles… They were full before my Roommate got to them

– She’s really creative.  Whenever I need to cut something in a straight line, she does it for me.

– She’s a great listener.  When you put a glass of wine in front of her and start venting – she’ll sit there for hours.  Between listening to me complain about my job or dating, she deserves an award.


There are some things wrong with my roommate that you should know too:

– Her clothes are better than mine.  She’s been fashion forward since she was a baby…

ABContactPhotoView_FullscreenPhoto

Just a demonstration of her fantastic fashion sense

Fantastic fashion sense

– She eats the most random meals so there is never food to steal

– She’s obsessed with reality television to the point that she’s winning her Bachelor Fantasy League (yes- that is a thing)

Always drinking...

Always drinking…

– She’s a natural athlete.  She runs faster than me.  Once I accidentally missed a mile of a 5K and beat her but other than that she would win in a race.

winejess2

Yes, she hydrates after exercising with wine…

– Darcy likes her more than me.  She thinks Roommate is the cool-aunt and I’m the un-fun mom.  It brings out a jealous side of me that I’m not proud of.

Sometimes they get matching manis

Sometimes they get matching manis

What I’m trying to say is , it’s hard to find an organized-handicapped animal accepting-semi alcoholic who needs a place to live at the same time that you do.  I guess I just lucked out.  Happy Birthday Roommate!  I can’t wait to celebrate you being two years older than me for the next 25 days!

11009900_10100383659580263_1697189960254192393_n