Now We’ve Got Bad Blog

Before I started working my favorite part of my day was waking up to blog.  That’s an exaggeration – my favorite parts of my day were sitting on my roof, playing with my dog and justifying drinking before 4:00 PM.  But blogging was in the top 5.  Now I feel like I never have time to do so.  And that isn’t true at all – two part time jobs does not equal the end of retirement.  I didn’t work at all yesterday but did I blog?  Nope… I think it’s because I feel like if I write a bad post I’ll get criticism or people will stop reading.  Wrong – people will stop checking if there are no posts and therefore they forget to read.  And out of sight out of mind is worse than in sight, in mind and disappointed, right?  I’ve never been one for outlines or goals or any of that nonsense, but maybe if I promise some upcoming posts, I’ll have to follow through with them.  Otherwise, how will The Young and Retired be read by English Royalty and American celebrities and then be picked up by Penguin Books and turned into a world wide best seller before being picked up by Paramount and turned into an Academy Award winning Blockbuster?

The following are the topics I plan to cover over the course of the next week:

Dating:  This will clearly have to be a whole series. I’ve only been on a handful of dates lately, and needless to say, I’m still single.  But I’ve been on a lot in the past and I think it would be beneficial for myself and all of the other single ladies to dive into the hilarity that is dating in 2015.  And all of those who are in healthy fun relationships can read and send sympathy.

Weddings: Wedding season deserves a series devoted to it as well.  This is my first big wedding year.  Over the course of the 13 months between November 2014 and December 2015 I have 6 weddings.  So far they have been fabulous and all so different.

Vagabond Summer: From working in a crazy restaurant to working in a calm quiet gym to sleeping all day on a Thursday, this is without a doubt the most unconventional my life has ever been, college aside.  Maybe we can analyze further what it’s doing to my mental state and how it’s helping (or not at all) my bank account and get into the plans for the future.  There are big plans coming up – it just seems more appropriate to make sure the details like living and jobs are confirmed before plastering them across the WWW.

The Subway:  I have some really deep thoughts about public transportation

That’s all for now – more to come.  Look at this, I just wrote a full blog post about needing to buckle down and write a blog post.  This isn’t so hard!! Now for the inspiration to dive into the others… I promise they’re coming if you promise to stay tuned!!

The Young and Part-Time Employed

Forgive me bloggers for I have slacked, it has been three days since my last post. 

I am sorry for falling off the grid for the last couple of days. I had a fabulous family filled Mother’s Day suburbs stay that has managed to continue until now.  And currently I’m about to check off one of my bucket list items by sitting in the Diamond Club at the Phillies game which will bring this nice pattern of days to a nice conclusion. Regardless, not great excuses for not posting, but at least there’s an explanation. 

Anyway- I do have news. As of this afternoon I am partially out of retirement. Someone is part-time hiring me and I am psyched. It’s not in a cubical and it’s not 9-5 and it’s walking distance and it’s active and occupational but don’t worry- my URL will stay the same.  It will take a whole lot to fully unretire me.

I thought I would sign off with a nice note that I pulled from my bestie/mentor Hoda Kotb- enjoy the rest of this beautiful Tuesday!

Living the Dream

I am always trying to identify “The Dream.”  When asked how things are going, I often answer with “Oh you know, living the Dream.”  But am I?  Financial gurus on Wall Street who make seven figures probably give the same answer.  And we’re a little different.  I guess the Dream varies from person to person.  So it’s just a matter of figuring out what it is that you consider your Dream.

Last night, I was watching Helen Hunt play Beer Pong with Jimmy Fallon.  I’m going to add that to my Dream category.   A very good friend of mine sent this shirt to me.  I have more, but substitute (read: add) “blogging” for “napping” and that is one heck of a Dream.

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Wordless Wednesday … LOL JK

I recently saw a trend on some blogs called Wordless Wednesday.  At first I was like oh neat a blog trend I want to be like all the other bloggers.  But then I thought – how do you write a blog post without any words?  And then I thought – when have I ever done anything without any words?  And then I thought – that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  So just so you know – this is a Wordless Wednesday post boycotting Wordless Wednesday. Boom. Drop the mic.

I've recently been weeding out my friends and family members based on how regularly they read my blog

I’ve recently been weeding out my friends and family members based on how regularly they read my blog

The Young and the Retired

I am too young to be retired. Let’s start there.  And I don’t mean retired in some fancy Paris Hilton or Christian Grey capacity where I was born into more money than I could ever spend or I was so successful out of college that I now have garages full of cars and sexual fetishes that are justifiable.  I am retired because I have no idea what to do with my life.  I am extremely envious of those individuals who know in the first grade that they are going to be a teacher or realize in college their calling is to be a surgeon.  At this point, I’m even jealous of those who are expected to follow into the family business.  I just don’t know what I want to do.

For a long time, I thought life was designed into a list of steps that were to be followed in some form of the following:

1- Be born

2- Go to school

3- Get a job

4- Get married

5- Have kids

6- Retire

7- Live the dream

8- Die

However, in the last month, I’ve realized it seems to skew a little:

1 – Be born

2 – Master your motor skills

3 – Go to pre-school.  Learn the ABCs, count to 10, be nice to people and to the best of your ability, learn to share

4 – Elementary school

5 – Think you’re excited for middle school.  Get there.  Suffer bullying.  Fail for the first time.  Think you know what love feels like.  Make it out alive.

6 – Journey to high school.  Think you’re ready for it.  Figure out what subjects you love.  Figure out what subjects you hate.  Suffer bullying.  Make your best friends.  Fall in love.  Break someone’s heart.  Learn to drive.  Pick a college and think you know what you’re doing.

7 – Go to college.  Move out.  Miss your mom.  Make your actual best friends.  Fall in love with a baseball player.  Go abroad.  Focus in subjects you think will benefit your future.  Binge drink on the weekends.  Fall in love with a basketball player.  Work part time.  Stress about your future.  Fall in love with a soccer player.  Relish the day when graduation becomes a reality.  Assume things will fall into place.

8 – Get a job.

9 – Start said job.

10 – Wonder why other people like their jobs.

11 – Realize you hated your major

12 – Start a countdown to retirement

13 – Realize how many years that is and instead keep your eyes open for rich eligible bachelors

14 – Date someone awful

15 – Have your heart broken

16 – Move out for real

17 – Learn to share an apartment and bills and pots and pans

18 – Decide you’re adult enough to live alone

19 – Learn how much bills suck.  And buying things.  Because everything costs money. Seriously, everything.

20 – Find a great roommate and a great apartment.

21 – Eventually find a job you like

22 – Start to think breaks come easy

23 – Get bored with the job.  Wonder why your apartment is always leaking. Realize mercury must have been in retrograde during #22

24 – Get medicated.  Thank yourself and wonder why you fought it for so long.

25 – Learn that rejection isn’t the end of the world. It’s not even that bad after a while.  Kelly Clarkson was right – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

26 – Get a job you think you like more.  Maybe so much that this could be what those adults call “a career.”

27 – Realize you aren’t getting any younger – maybe you should fill the children void with a dog, just to buy some time with your foot-tapping mother

28 – Have the brutal realization that even at work, there is still bullying.  Especially with women. Learn never to work with only jealous, miserable, insecure and nasty women.

29 – Know who you are.  Maybe not what you want to do.  But that you believe in yourself and would rather be bullied by losers than hand it out to anyone.

30 – Take control of your own life.  Leave said prospective career.

31 – Realize who the people are that you really need – and that it’s about quality over quantity.

32 – Go on a really long vacation in the shining light of the United States – the deep south.

33 – Force yourself to get on your return flight.  Get home and spend a lot of quality time with your dog

34 – Try to figure out what you were meant to do

35 – Kill the time by starting a blog

Unfortunately I’m not sure what the next steps are.  Those seem to be the most significant thus far.  I missed a few really important ones like make out with a celebrity, join a book club, buy your first car and run a 5K.  But isn’t it interesting the way it skews from the original plan?  The plan that it seems everyone else is following.  Maybe they aren’t.  Maybe I’m not the only one who has no idea how to get her life together.  But this seems like a good outlet into figuring it out.  I’ll keep tabs on my attempts towards success and clarity and deep thriving life long love and keep the internet posted.  It can’t possibly be that hard, right?