What comes along with the territory of not having a job is not having an income. And that is fine for right now – but as a result I need to make my savings account last. So I’m trying to keep the mentality that money is tight and I shouldn’t go out as much, I shouldn’t buy clothes right now and Darcy is going to have to cut back on her days at the race track. But I’m not worried financially. Things are tight in other places which has me a little more concerned.
When I first left my job I spent a lot of time being super lazy. Then, to cheer myself up, I went on a binge eating and drinking tour of the deep south. I spent two full weeks on the following strict diet:
Shrimp n’ Grits
Cheese (with all accouterments)
Strawberry Daiquiris (with an extra shot of rum)
Mimosas (normally a bottomless deal was involved)
Purple DrAnk (a slushy mix of grape juice, everclear and ice)
Corona, Corona, Corona
Upon return home I made the silly decision to step on my scale and I saw that my weight had increased by 6 pounds. So I thought – well that sucks. But figured it will drop quickly, I’ll just have to cut back on my favorite food groups of cheese and wine and add in spinach or peppers or something in the mean time.
Last night was when I realized how ‘tight’ all things really were. This dress was always rather form fitting, but last night we hit our breaking point… literally.
So yea… diet starts now. Retirement at it’s finest, ladies and gentlemen.
Every Sunday night since the end of January, I pull out my middle aged man face, pack on my beer gut, put on my bowling shoes and head up the road to participate in my bowling league. Along with my friends Ginger-Eyes, Bake-Master and her boyfriend, Muffin-Man – we are on a bowling team. Our name is the “Alley Gators” (guess which New Orleans lover came up with that) and if you’re ever trying to find us, check out the group at the end of the leaders board.
We’re not very good. We almost always have the highest handicap that can be allotted. Muffin-Man does a lot of heavy lifting. Bake-Master does her part too. Ginger-Eyes can throw a strike or drops the ball right into the gutter. I’m usually the weakest link. I always try to figure out what it is based on. Why I am so bad. Bowling looks like the easiest game in the world. Take a ball. Chuck it down an alley. Let it hit some pins. Win. Move on.
Sometimes I’ll have success with drinking beforehand. Like this past Sunday- I bowled my best game ever. Game 1 – 103; Game 2 – 104; Game 3 – 103. And 20 minutes before we had to be at bowling, Ginger-Eyes and I met for a glass of sangria which turned into splitting a pitcher of sangria. Maybe sangria is the key to successful bowling? Definitely a theory I’m happy to dive deeper into. I’ve attempted the dead sober approach but that has never helped. No beer = no strikes = excessive gutter balls.
We don’t take it too seriously. Sometimes Muffin-Man does – but the rest of us are usually ready for bed by the end of the second game. The other teams do not mess around. They show up early to practice. They all have their own bowling balls. They all have their own bowling shoes. I swear we’re judged for not owning bowling shoes. Not only is it sort of gross but we stick out like amateurs. A lot of them have matching bowling shirts with their team names on the back. Our only uniform is when we declare it Sweat-pants Sunday. They are all teams of men. We are three girls and Muffin-Man (which is actually great because we’re always on the female leader board for Sundays.) We chat about the weekend and make fun of each other and text and invest in the beer specials. The other teams discuss strategy and the week before and plans for the week after. The more I type, the more I realize why we’re at the bottom of the leader board. There’s one team of four really cute guys – Ginger-Eyes spends her time in between sets trying to figure out when we’re going to play them. I can’t wait for my post about meeting my new dreamy successful future husband at bowling league…
We did run into a glitch this weekend. There are candy machines all over the bowling alley that Muffin-Man feeds with quarters to keep our minds focused and spirits high. He seemed really distraught at one point and Bake-Master took his hand and asked what was wrong. He looked her deep in the eyes and said “The Mike & Ike machine is broken.” It was tough – we had to settle for Peanut M&Ms all night.
Everyone should be in a bowling league. Whether you’re a gifted bowler or your favorite sports are the kind you can drink beer while you play – it’s fantastic. And a great way to say you’ve accomplished something over the weekend.
The Alley Gators!